Apparently, there are two options for most people when it comes to breakfast potatoes: hash browns and home fries. I've basically blocked the latter option out of my consciousness. To me, hash browns are the only option.
Most of my confidence (my adversary in thisFood Fightmight call it narrow-mindedness) is deeply steeped in nostalgia. Growing up, breakfast for dinner was a common occurrence in my house. But not because it was easy to make— it was something my sister and I started requesting at some point because my mom absolutely nailed hash browns. No frozen or pre-packed stuff. She grated russet potatoes by hand (more on that in a minute), diced an onion, chopped up whatever fresh herbs she felt like using, and fried everything up in a well-seasoned cast iron skillet with olive oil and what seemed like a handful of kosher salt and fresh pepper. There's no dish she made that I remember loving more.
Listen, it's not like home fries are bad. But there's no world in which they're better than hash browns. Let me break it down for you:
At their best, home fries are a two-note textural expression of the potato: Crisp outside gives way to soft, starchy inside. Sadly, however, that doesn't happen most of the time — I'd be a rich man if I had a quarter for each time a plate of grease-laden, mushy home fries hit the table in front of me. Hash browns, on the other hand, are a lattice of crunchy, starch-filled greatness. Each bite is a unique mix of cooked potatoes and semi-fried exterior layer. Warning: Do not consume alongside English muffins. The collective number of nooks and crannies may blow your mind.
Sure, home fries often have flavoring elements that get sloppily sautéed into the mix—raw bits of red peppers, a few slivers of green bell peppers—but hash browns allow you to add whatever you have on hand to become one with your tuberous masterpiece. For example: love scallions and want them involved? Cook the white part of the stalk with your potatoes and save the more visually pleasing green slivers to scatter across the top before serving.
Wait, stay with me here. The grating disk that came with your Cuisinart that's gathering dust in your junk drawer? It was basically born to make perfect hash browns. There's just no need to work that hard before noon, laboring through a half dozen potatoes with your box grater. And if the effort is what's standing between you and a plate of the crispy stuff? Stop reading this right now (I'm almost done here anyway) and go make some. If you're still grating hash browns by hand, you're doing it wrong. (Sorry Mom).
