It's Okay to Serve Your Kids Dessert With Dinner

Looking for ways to make family dinner easier, tastier, and just straight-up less crazy-making? We have 18 suggestionsright here.

Parenting is hard, but this much I can say about my experience thus far: years from now, when my daughters are all grown up and writing their memoirs, they cannot accuse me of withholding dessert.

I am and always have been a firm believer in dessert. Ending a meal with something sweet, even if it's just a few chunks of really good dark chocolate, is simply the right thing to do. (On this point, my girls would beg to differ. Bring on thebrownies, thesundaes, thecoconut layer cake, they say!)

Point is, we always keep sweets around, and I've never been one to say, to them or myself, no. Well, except when Ruby, my younger and the more irrepressible sweet tooth of the two, rifles through the pantry or fridge minutes before dinner, starts unwrapping whatever treat she finds, then turns to me and asks, "Can I have this?"

It seems like human nature to save dessert for the end, and it's how we do it in my house, despite Ruby's attempts otherwise. But here's something I didn't know: it is perfectly okay to serve dessertwithdinner. My Epi editorAnya Hoffman, also a mom of two daughters, recently clued me into this life-changing approach. Allow me to now change your (and my daughters') lives.

Dessert can be a sticky issue

It all stems from the work ofEllyn Satter首席专家、喂养孩子,其复位arch Anya learned of when she became a parent.

Satter, author of喂养一个健康家庭的秘密, pioneered the concept of "division of responsibility in feeding"—essentially that parents handle the "what, when, and where" of eating and the child decides the "how much and whether."

"Kids will gradually, over time, learn to eat and enjoy the foods their parents eat," says Satter.

But there's one exception, which many of us know all too well: dessert. "Dessert is really easy to like. They will fill up on it if allowed to," she says.

On the other hand, setting too many restrictions or limiting dessert entirely can create problems as well. It then becomes a "forbidden food" that a kid will almost certainly become preoccupied with.

"Too often what happens is a parent feels obligated to use dessert as leverage to get the child to eat and will say things like, 'You have to finish your vegetables so you can have dessert.' They will get into a struggle about whether the child eats or not, or the child will overeat twice, at dinner and then with dessert," says Satter. "It's just a tricky conundrum for parents to know how to handle."

The case for dessert with dinner

That's where Satter's idea of serving dessert with dinner comes in. "Put dessert on the table with the meal. Give everybody an age-appropriate portion size, and let them eat it—one helping—when they want," she says.

Not only does this turn it over to youngsters to manage once it's on the table, it removes the stigma from dessert as a "forbidden food."

But if you fear you're opening up a can of (gummi)worms—that is, if you're afraid your kid will skip thecasseroleand go straight for thecookie—well, they might. Especially in homes where sweets are limited or not allowed at all, "for a while that kid will confirm [a parent's] worst fears," says Satter.

Then again, you might be surprised. "Some will eat all their dinner first. Really, you can never predict," she says. Gradually, though, the newness will wear off, says Satter. Your kid will learn to eat enough dessert to satisfy herself and you will feel like a parenting champ.

Every once in a while, at snacktime, set out a platter of cookies or cupcakes and let your kids have as many as they want.

Tara Donne

Unlimited sweets at snacktime—really

Wait. There's more. Notice that Satter says to keep dessert at dinner to one serving, which, in effect, breaks her own division of responsibility rule. That's because there's a second prong to her strategy, which is—brace yourself—to periodically allow forunlimitedsweets at snacktime.

That's right. Every so often, set out an entire plate ofcupcakesor heck,Kit Kats, and let your kids eat as many as they want. (I'm getting visions of Ruby doing a happy dance right now.)

Again, they might wolf them down like there's no tomorrow, but that too will dissipate over time as they realize that sweets are no big deal.

"They'll start to eat them very casually. Sometimes, they'll enjoy it, sometimes not, like any food," says Satter. "Really, what you're doing is building for the future. When your child is small and at home, you can control their access to sweets. But when they get out and about, and they're so preoccupied with sweets because they didn't get any, then they're going to buy them. They're going to overdo it."

Stay strong!

Which brings us to another important detail. If you're going to do this, you have to commit to it for the long-term, and if there's another parent or partner in the home, that person has to be fully on board as well.

"It's not something you do to fix a problem and stop doing. It's a way of life with feeding," Satter says.

Ideally, you'll start when the kids are little (as Anya did with hers), though it's not too late to do this with older kids (like mine—gulp). Younger kids typically come around in a month. For older kids, give it a good six weeks, says Satter.

It should be noted that if there are no issues with sweets in your household—i.e. you don't make a big deal of them and your kids can regulate how much they eat (who are you people?!)—then there's no need for this approach.

Satter also points out that it doesn't guarantee your children, if they're picky eaters, will eat their vegetables. But, she says, they probably will at some point—it just might take a while, maybe even years.

The key with dessert at dinner, and feeding your kids in general, is to have a routine and stick with it.

"That's the bottom line of what parents need to provide for their children—structured meals and snacks at reliable times. Kids need to count on that and they need that support in order to do a good job with regulating their food intake and learning to eat a variety of food," says Satter.

My kids already know they can always count on me for dessert. Now I know I don't have to make them wait for it.